first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
