It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
