u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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