Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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