well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
