dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
