I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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