I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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