That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
