I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
