hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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