dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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