Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
