morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
