i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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