Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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