also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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