I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
