I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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