I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
