I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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