Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
