my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
