why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
