My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
