speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
