Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
