I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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