No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
