i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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