you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are all done wearing pants today
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
