Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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