Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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