Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
