my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
