She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
