This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
