As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
