p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
