we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
