Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
