i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
