I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
