I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
