nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well I just put wine in my tea
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
