Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
