Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
