that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
