Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
