I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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