DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
