I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
