Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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